‘My dear old mind is so cluttered it needs a spring clean’

Some would say that I leak useless facts and information from my cluttered mind. By that I think they must mean that my mind is so cluttered that, from time to time, it overflows all over them, whether or not they have made an enquiry. When I try to think about that, having shovelled and swept stuff away to make room for thinking, I can’t help noticing particular snippets of stored information and thinking about those instead.

Did you know that an octopus has blue blood, whereas most humans have red blood? I say most humans because mine, I suspect, in keeping with my aspired status in life is almost certainly blue! Does that make me a relative of the octopus family, or is the octopus really nobility, and has Blue Blood to denote that? This begs yet another question about blood.

Did you know that every red blood cell in your body does a complete circuit of your body in 20 seconds? Well, it does. However I cannot tell you how long my (and other nobility’s) Blue Blood takes, because I have not researched it yet. I suspect it travels at a statelier pace. Nobility are not known for our undignified haste. That’s the trouble with inadequate information, it invariable begs another question. More thinking is called for.

Meanwhile I will tell you that rubber bands (and nail polish) last longer in the fridge, and it is impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. You never know when you may need that, information so thank me nicely for sharing it with you. You probably know that the sun is 4.6 billion years old (of course you did) but do you know who first called our planet ‘Earth’? Neither do I! Nobody does! I checked it out!

There are some things that even I do not know, for instance, in the matter of growing things. Last year, being envious of my neighbour, who grows beautiful tiny, sweet tomatoes by the bucketful, I convince myself that it must be a ‘walk in the park’! Off I trotted to purchase four very healthy little plant type guys, together with all the required kit to plant, feed, delouse, debug and succeed in my plan.

All summer long I worshipped at the feet of my precious pots, watering, feeding, nurturing and doing it all over again if I thought they needed more care. My total harvest was three perfect little tomatoes, and one with a biddy living in it.

You may be astonished that someone so wise and well informed as I somehow fell at the first fence of horticultural pursuits. But when all is said and done, there is a limit to the most scholarly mind’s capacity.

There must be, somewhere lurking in the depths of my dear old cluttered mind a note to myself that growing things might require just a tad more thinking. Until I invite you to ask my advice on the subject of growing things, I will remind you that a shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes, and tiramisu is Italian for ‘pick me up’. It is regrettable that I had no tiramisu to pick me up when I fell at the first fence of growing things.

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