Daily Joke: A woman with a black eye stumbled into a police station

One night a lady with a black eye stumbled into a police station. She told the desk sergeant that she heard a noise in her back yard and went to investigate. The next thing she knew, she was hit in the face and knocked out cold.

An officer was sent to her house to investigate, and he returned a few minutes later, also with a black eye.

“Did you get hit by the same attacker?” his captain asked.

“No, sir,” he replied. “I stepped on the same rake.”

Daily Joke: A husband and wife are having dinner

A husband and wife are having dinner at a very fine restaurant when a stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she’ll see him later and walks away. The wife glares at her husband and says: “Who the hell was that?”

“Oh,” replies the husband. “She’s my mistress.”

“Well, that’s the last straw,” says the wife. “I’ve had enough, I want a divorce!”

“I can understand that,” replies her husband. “But remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Lexus in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours.”

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous woman on his arm.

“Who’s that woman with Jim?” asks the wife.

“That’s his mistress,” says her husband.

“Ours is prettier,” she replies.

Daily Joke: A man gets a new job

A man joins a big corporate empire as a trainee. On his very first day of work, he dials the pantry and shouts into the phone: “Get me a coffee, quickly!”

The voice from the other side responds: “You fool you’ve dialled the wrong extension! Do you know who you’re talking to?!”

“No,” replies the trainee.

“It’s the CEO of the company, you fool!”

The trainee shouts back: “And do you know who you are talking to, you fool?!”

“No,” replies the CEO indignantly.

“Good!” replies the trainee, and puts down the phone.

Need another laugh? Have a look at some of our other great jokes here.