An 85-year-old couple were married almost 60 years before they both died. They had been in good health the last 10 years, mainly due to the wife’s interest in health food and exercise.
When they reached the pearly gates, St Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bedroom and spa. As they looked in awe, the old man asked St Peter how much all of this was going to cost.
“It’s free,” St Peter replied. “This is Heaven.”
Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course that the home backed on to. They would have golfing privileges every day, and each week the course changed to a new one representing the greatest golf courses on Earth.
The old man asked, “What are the green fees?”
St Peter replied, “This is Heaven, you play for free.”
Next they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out.
“How much to eat?” asked the old man.
“Don’t you understand yet? This is Heaven, it is free!” St Peter replied with some exasperation.
“Well, where are the low cholesterol tables?” the old man asked timidly.
St Peter lectured, “That’s the best part, you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick! This is Heaven.”
With that, the old man went into a fit of rage, throwing down his hat and stomping on it and shrieking wildly. His wife and St Peter both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong.
The old man looked at his wife and said, “This is all your fault. If it weren’t for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here 10 years ago!”