A guy walks into a shoe store and asks for a pair of size 8 joggers. The salesman says: “But, sir, I can see from up here you’re at least a size 11.”
The guy says: “Just bring me a size 8.”
The salesman brings them, the guy stuffs his feet into them, ties them tight and then he stands up, obviously in pain. The salesman just has to ask: “Sir, why must you have these undersized shoes?”
He says to the salesman: “I lost my business and my house, I live with my mother-in-law, my wife is having an affair with my best friend and my daughter is pregnant. The only pleasure I have in life is taking off these damn shoes.”
A young man was having some money problems and needed $200 to get his car fixed and roadworthy again, but had run out of people to borrow from.
So, reluctantly, he called his parents via the operator and reversed the charge. He said to his father: “I need to borrow $200.”
At the other end, his father responded: “Sorry, I can’t hear you son. I think there may be a bad line.”
The boy shouted: “Two hundred. I need $200!”
“Sorry, I still can’t hear you clearly,” answered his father.
The operator cut in and said: “Sorry to butt in, but I can hear him perfectly clearly.”
The father answered: “Good. Then you send him the money!”
After retiring from a busy life in business, Claire travels around the country visiting antique shops trying to find bargains.
One day she goes to an antique shop where speaks to Victoria, the shop’s owner. She says: “When I was in here last week I saw a big mug with a flat head that holds a lot of beer. I’d like to buy it.”
“Sorry,” replies Victoria. “But I can’t possibly sell you that.”
“Oh, what a pity, but why not?” inquires Claire.
“Because,” says the owner, “that’s my husband.”
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