An elderly lady was out shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of stealing her vehicle.
She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs: “I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!” The four men didn’t wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad.
The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver’s seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.
She tried and tried, and then she realised why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces along.
She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake.
The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn’t stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, with glasses, curly white hair and a large handgun.
No charges were filed.
The moral of the story?
If you’re going to have a senior moment, at least make it memorable.
A man called his wife: “Honey I’ve been asked to go fishing with my boss for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get a promotion. So could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod & fishing box. We’re leaving from the office so I’ll swing by the house to pick up my things. Oh and please pack my new blue silk pyjamas!”
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy, but being a good wife she did exactly as her husband said.
The following weekend the man came home a little tired but looking good. The wife welcomed him and asked if he caught many fish on the trip.
He answered: “Yes, lots of salmon, blue gill & a few swordfish. But why didn’t you pack my blue silk pyjamas?”
The wife scoffed and replied: “I did. They were in your fishing box.”
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said: “I’d like to buy some cyanide.”
The pharmacist asked: “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”
The lady replied: “I need it to poison my husband.”
The pharmacist’s eyes grew wide and he explained: “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband, that’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You cannot have any cyanide!”
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and said: “You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”