A woman calls emergency services on her phone to report that her car has been broken into.
She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: “They’ve stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!” she cried.
“Stay calm. An officer is on the way,” the dispatcher told her.
A few minutes later the officer radioed in. “Disregard,” he said. “She got in the back-seat by mistake.”
A man was walking through a rather seedy section of town, when a homeless man walked up to him and asked the man for two dollars. The man asked: “Will you buy booze?”
The homeless man replied: “No.”
Then the man asked: “Will you gamble it away?”
The homeless man said: “No.”
Then the man asked the homeless man: “Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn’t drink or gamble?”
The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. “Darling, whatever is the matter?” he asks.
“Sweetheart,” she sobs. “The most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first dinner for you, and I got it out the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back from answering the phone,” she sobs again. “I found that the cat had eaten it!”
“Don’t worry, darling,” says her husband. “Don’t cry. We’ll get a new cat in the morning.”
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