After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife attended a therapy session. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.
On and on and on she mentioned neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.
Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched – with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said: “This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?”
“Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I golf.”
Herbert was being examined by the family doctor who, after carefully examining him, said: “Yes, it is chronic evil which has deprived you of health and happiness.”
“Shh!” cautioned Herbert. “For heaven’s sake doc, speak softly as the wife is sitting in the next room.”
Five Australian surgeons from the big cities are discussing which kind of person makes the best patient to operate on.
The first surgeon, a woman from Brisbane, says: “I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”
The second, a man from Perth, replies: “Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside them is colour coded.”
A third surgeon from Adelaide adds: “No way! I think librarians are the best! Everything inside them is in alphabetical order.”
The fourth, from Sydney, says: “I’ve always liked construction workers. They always understand when you have a few parts left over.”
The final surgeon, from Melbourne, dismisses all the others and tells a story of his own.
“You’re all wrong,” he says. “Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no balls, no brains and no spine. Also, the head and arse are interchangeable.”
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