Two old women named Doris and Flo were catching up over a cup of tea.
Flo turns to her friend and sadly says, “The spark’s gone out of our marriage, Doris. These days, when we’re in bed, I bring out the animal in Alfred.”
Not quite sure what her friend meant, Doris says, “Isn’t that a good thing, Flo?”
“You’d think so, but he just runs to the door, scratching and whining to get out.”
A husband was standing on a crowded platform at a train station when he thought he saw his wife up ahead in the crowd.
He pushed his way through the masses, came up behind her and gave her a big hug and a passionate kiss on the neck.
To his horror, as the woman turned around, he realised she was not his wife.
“Oh no! I’m so sorry,” he said sincerely. “It’s just that your head looks like my wife’s behind.”
An old couple had been married for more than 40 years, and in all that time no one could remember an occasion where the husband wasn’t chewing tobacco. He was always seen with heavily stained teeth and black gunge dripping from his mouth.
The thing that puzzled the neighbours was why the wife stayed with him. In her younger days, she was quite the looker, and even now she was still so attractive she could turn a head or two.
A couple of days before the couple’s wedding anniversary, one of the wife’s friends finally plucked up the courage to ask, “How could you have stayed with him for so long? That awful, filthy black stuff is forever dribbling from his mouth.”
“I’ve thought about leaving him on many occasions,” the wife replied. “But I just couldn’t bear to kiss him goodbye.”