‘Don’t feel sad for me’: Aussie fireman on why he’s ending his own life aged 54

It’s a decision no-one should ever have to make, but for this Australian father-of-two, having his most-loved passions and basic bodily functions stripped away by a debilitating neurological disorder has led to him making a choice he never could have imagined – voluntarily ending his own life.

Former Melbourne firefighter Troy Thornton, 54, will fly to Switzerland in just a few days time where he will administer a life-ending drug on February 22, to finally end what he describes as years of “misery”.

Troy was diagnosed in July 2014 with multiple system atrophy, a progressive neurodegenerative disorder caused by degeneration of nerve cells in parts of the brain that can affect movement, balance, speech, bladder control and even breathing. The symptoms worsen over time and tragically there is no cure.

“I just feel ill and unwell, it’s like shoot me now, you know?” he explained in an exclusive chat with Starts at 60. “At first you can’t run, then you can’t swim, then you can’t kick a footy, then you can’t surf – which I used to love doing – then eventually it takes your career away from you… Now I’m housebound.

“I couldn’t sleep with my wife for the last six months because I hit her at night. The intimacy goes so then you lose that, I had to sell my car which I loved. It takes everything away from you over a long period. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. It’s the worst way to go out, now I just want to go to sleep.”

Troy was living a happy and active life with his wife Christine and two children Jack, 17, and Laura, 14, when his world was shattered by the diagnosis in 2014.

The football fan and keen surfer had previously spent 30 years working in emergency fire and rescue. At the time he found out, Troy said despite being faced with an uncertain future, suicide was never an option for him – having witnessed so many horrific deaths in his time as a first responder, as well as the trauma suffered by the families they leave behind.

However, he was unaware that Switzerland’s assisted dying laws even existed then, and once he learned more about them, he started to consider legally taking his own life.

“I want people to know it’s not a knee-jerk decision, it’s something well considered over many years,” he explained. “A lot of people said I’m really brave but I don’t see it that way – I see it as being pragmatic. Any logical person who was in this situation would face it head on and not bury their head in the sand. What’s the good of curling up in a ball in the corner and crying about it.”

Well aware of how this decision would affect his family, Troy spoke to his wife Christine about it from the very start and while she was completely against the idea at first, she’s now come round to fully support him. So much so, she will fly with him to Switzerland and be there when he administers the lethal drug.

Asked how his teenage kids took the news, Troy explained that they too have needed time and space to come to terms with it, but having seen him suffering for years, they have already done a lot of their grieving.

They will remain in Australia when he and Christine fly to Switzerland, with their grandparents looking after them. Meanwhile, a friend will meet Christine in Switzerland and fly home with her so she’s not alone.

While Troy admitted he’s devastated that he’ll miss out on seeing his kids get married and start families, he’s thankful for the time he’s had and the incredible life he has led.

“Don’t feel sad for me – you should be sad for children in hospital, not for me,” he insisted. “I’m 54, I’ve had a good innings, I’ve travelled, had a good career, had a family, got lots of friends, I’ve done a lot of stuff in my life… I’ve had time to plan my funeral, spend time with my kids, say my goodbyes – who gets to do that?”

Troy has even created a video to be shown at his service, explaining his reasons to all of his loved ones and to say a final goodbye.

“I don’t want people, or my kids, or my wife to think that I’m abandoning them – that I’m running away,” he said. “I’m not running away, I’m just doing this so I’m taken out of my misery and my wife and my kids can get on with their lives.”

Rather than feeling any apprehension now, Troy said he’s actually “counting down the days” as his disorder has been getting progressively worse since Christmas.

“I’m on my last legs now,” he admitted. “I can still just walk, my speech is pretty crap, I’ve lost bladder control, my head is spinning all the time, I have double vision and I feel nauseous all the time.”

It’s almost impossible to predict how long someone can survive with Troy’s disorder, meaning he wouldn’t qualify for Victoria’s new assisted dying laws – set to take effect later this year – which require a doctor to confirm a person is terminal and has less than 12 months to live.

According to the Voluntary Assisted Dying Bill 2017, in order to qualify to have access to assisted dying, “a person must be diagnosed with a disease, illness or medical condition that is incurable, advanced, progressive and will cause death, and is expected to cause death within less than 12 months”.

Troy is now calling for changes to the law, explaining that while Victoria’s new bill is a huge step in the right direction, it still fundamentally has the wrong focus.

“I’ve realised the human rights law in Switzerland have the right focus. That focus is a human’s right to choose,” he said. “But over here, it seems our legislators have got a whole different focus. They’re focused on terminal illnesses, suffering and pain… They should be focused on the right to choose.”

While Troy said he’s not suffering from pain himself, he still suffers from a poorer quality of life – and it’s only set to get worse.

“If you’re sound of mind and you feel you have a quality of life that is below what you’d want to have, you should have that right to choose to check out when and how and where you want,” he said.

His own road to this point was difficult from the moment he made the decision, as he was initially turned away by well-known Swiss clinic Dignitas after pushing his date back by a couple of months in order to be there for his children’s latest birthdays.

Due to the delay, there was a huge mess with his medical reports and his doctor eventually refused to supply a more up-to-date one, having discovered why Troy wanted it. It eventually pushed Troy to contact founder of pro-euthanasia campaign group Exit International, Philip Nitschke, who helped put him in touch with Life Circle – the same clinic Australia’s oldest scientist, Dr David Goodall, used to end his life last year.

Read more: ‘Dr Death’ Philip Nitschke tells what really happens in suicide clinics

Shockingly, when Troy went back to Dignitas to get a refund on his deposit, he claims he was turned down and therefore lost $5,500. It meant he faced the prospect of making the journey on his own. Seeing their struggle, Nitschke set up a GoFundMe page for the family and within hours they had received donations totalling $16,000 – making it possible to buy the additional air fares.

It’s now led to Troy pushing for three main goals. He said, in his own words:

• The Victorian euthanasia legislation needs to be modified to enable people like me with a chronic degenerative disease to have access to the law, not only those defined as ‘terminal’.
• As a first-responder I have seen too many traumatic suicides and suicide attempts. An assisted suicide in Australia would reduce the trauma not only for emergency services personnel but for the families and friends affected by such deaths.
• Australian doctors can and do withhold the necessary medical reports and documentation needed by the Swiss authorities for an assisted suicide. This makes the process of gaining approval in Switzerland even more difficult.

To see more about Troy’s journey, visit his GoFundMe page here.

What are your thoughts? Do you have a message for Troy?