A doctor finally saw his patient after a month of trying to contact him. The doctor said: “I see you’re over a month late for your check-up. Don’t you know that nervous disorders require prompt and regular attention? What’s your excuse?”
The patient answered: “I was just following your orders, Doc.”
“Following my orders? What are you talking about? I gave you no such order.”
The patient said: “You told me to avoid people who irritate me.”
A lawyer’s dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast.
The butcher goes to the lawyer’s office and asks: “If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog’s owner?”
The lawyer answers: “Absolutely.”
“Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today.”
The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a cheque for $8.50.
In a few days, the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope from the lawyer that reads: “$20 due for a consultation.”
Two men go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment – the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods.
The first day that they go fishing, they don’t catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.
As they are driving home they both feel quite depressed. One guy turns to the other and says: “Do you realise that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?”
The other guy says: “Wow! Then it’s a good thing we didn’t catch any more!”