Gender equality in sport: what it’s really all about

Mar 09, 2018
Let's make it an even playing field for both men and women. Photo: Getty

I’m an avid television sports watcher. I love my sport. I love the way it unites people; for example the recent Winter Olympics in South Korea went a long way in uniting both Koreas — so we are told. Sport in Australia does likewise, so we are told.

Nowadays, I can watch women play cricket and even AFL football on nation-wide TV. Yet another new era of male-female equality appears to be dawning. I’m so excited about this newfound phase, or should I call it a fad, that I recently decided to make every effort to join my local women’s synchronised swimming team.

I must confess, I may need a little more exercise, but I’m a good swimmer. I even have my Bronze Medallion in Lifesaving. I know I’ll be a great asset to the team. I love swimming very much and now I’ll be able to finally fulfil my secret and long-held fantasy of becoming a member of a female synchronised swimming team.

I’ve already purchased a lovely tight-fitting frilly Speedo swimsuit. I’m aware that I’ve become a little overweight lately: probably due to watching too much sport on TV, but fortunately the extra kilos are all in the right places. My man-boobs have become just as firm and large as the breasts of many of the other women in the team. I should fit in perfectly.

I’ve also bought a plain yellow swimming cap. I’m not too keen on the flowery ones the other team members wear. I will be emblazing my plain swimming cap with XXXX — a code for my favourite beer. To be honest I simply hate flower patterns. Don’t worry, I will only draw a few Xs at first and as the team gets accustomed to it, I’ll quietly add more.

I’ve already shaved myself down in eager readiness. Ouch! And I’ve also found my old nose plug, although it’s a bit tight-fitting.

I’m so excited to be a part of this new movement to dissolve the gaps and boundaries that separate men from women. Finally, we can all be just like each other — neither male nor female, neither masculine nor feminine, neither black nor white: but instead a pale dull grey neuter somewhere in the middle. And finally, and more importantly, I get to express my feminine self openly.

I noticed my local community netball team is also recruiting new members. I love netball too. I’m a good basketball player as well, so I’m going to put in my application to join tomorrow. I’ll let you know how I get on.

I hope to see you in the pool sometime and let me show you how my underwater pirouettes are progressing. I have my mind set on the Tokyo Olympics.

Please join me everyone, and together let’s create a new colourless world of genderless equality, political correctness, neutered mind-sets, gender-confusion, mediocracy and judgement.

Yes, it’s a big step for me and I feel, an even bigger step for mankind, sorry — humankind.

But is it a big step forward or backward?

What do you think about this issue? Is gender equality something that can be achieved?

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