The blueprint for the ultimate over 60s-friendly airline experience

Oh, how I miss traveling like I did when I was 30. No security checks. No taking off your shoes. No pat downs, although I do like those if the security person is cute.

Airports should be reconfigured for seniors so that we feel more comfortable travelling. Here are my suggestions:

Bionic flight attendants

How about a staff who can hoist your carry-on into those bins? Who wants to pull a rotator cuff trying to get that stuff overhead?

Realistic layover times

There’s nothing more stressful than trying to make a connecting flight. Give us an hour and a half between flights, so we can get to our gate and relax.

Moveable ramps that run entirely throughout the airport

For those who can’t handle all that walking, expand those moveable ramps so we can travel with ease. Those monorails are a pain in the ass for many of us who are older. Who wants to feel like a sardine traveling from one terminal to the next? We need ramps to take us right to the gate.

Real leg room

50 per cent of the seats on airplanes should be eliminated. You shouldn’t have to be a gymnast just to get into your seat.

Solar powered airplanes

Airplane travel shouldn’t require you to take out a second mortgage. Let’s get those solar-powered airplanes going so all of us can afford to fly again. Elon Musk, are you listening?

Wider bathrooms. 

I feel like I need a shoehorn to get into those bathrooms, and I am on the lean side. Many people who are older and thicker find using the lavatory to be a pain in the ass.

Stand-up comedians as flight attendants. 

Wouldn’t we all love to be entertained while enduring plane travel? Somebody like Billy Crystal, Johnny Carson, or Phyllis Diller would be great. Let’s make traveling fun again.

Preferential treatment for AARP members

We should be rewarded for living this long. Simply show your AARP card and you get to board first.

Recumbent bicycles for those who want to exercise. 

You don’t get much of a workout walking down the aisle trying to find an empty bathroom.

Showers 

We all stink after a while when flying on a plane, especially those with anxiety. It’s hard enough sitting next to somebody who snores or has bad breath, but if they have BO on top of that, it’s really annoying. Book your shower so you can arrive at your destination clean and refreshed.

Vending machines 

Don’t you get tired of pretzels? I do. If there were vending machines on board, we could pick what we want. And if they were free, that would even be better.

Lavender oil or cannabis

For those of us who want to sleep, lavender is known for helping you relax. Gummies might be a nice option as well since there’s no smoking allowed on the plane.

Onboard masseuse

Would be nice to have someone who could give you a neck or foot massage? Or how about a manicure or pedicure? Make a reservation and fully enjoy your airplane travel.

Art or language classes

Learn a new skill while you’re traveling. Personally, I can’t paint or draw, so a class devoted to this would be a real thrill for me. If I could brush up on my Mandarin, that might be cool.

Have I missed anything? What would make airline travel more enjoyable for you?