Staying optimistic as we age

My partner and I have been visiting her mother at an assisted-living facility for several months now. It’s rewarding to see her, and I hope she still remembers us. However, her physical and mental decline keeps escalating.

It’s more fulfilling for my partner than it is for me. Erika lost her older sister recently to a massive heart attack, so having a relative nearby provides much comfort for her that is no longer available in the absence of her sister.

But it’s hard for me because I volunteered at a senior center for over twenty years and know what happens to people as they age. I’m firmly aware of the aging process, and it’s not always pretty.

I organized many programs at the senior center, including Karaoke and Improv. It was a real thrill to entertain these older people, but I didn’t have to see the nuances of their physical decline. I was only there to have fun with them and give them a sense of purpose.

The reality of the aging process is much more evident at this assisted-living facility. And viewing them and their decline makes me wonder if this is my future.

Some people are in wheelchairs. Some are catatonic. Some are buoyant yet physically unable to navigate very well. I try to have a fun and interactive sense of humor during our visits there, but it’s sometimes a little unsettling.

My partner and I are still doing pretty well, although she’s got a heart condition, and I have osteoporosis. We have discussed the following steps when we no longer want to deal with a large house.

I’m sure this is a conversation that most couples have. They may stop traveling as much, move to a smaller home, stop going out at night, or let certain chores go that are too hard to manage. They may forfeit things like gardening, redecorating, and other chores.

I try to stay in the moment and realize that all we have is now, but it’s scary. We used to go to Europe yearly but haven’t gone since 2017.

Many things got in the way, like Covid, breaking my knee, and dealing with Erika‘s mother. But if I have to be honest, I don’t know if I feel like leaving the country anymore.

I enjoy my friend’s travel pictures, but when I hear about crowds, airport delays, COVID-19, and the hassles of the weather, it not as exciting anymore.  We have a beautiful house on a lake with lots of wildlife; sometimes, that’s enough for me. I wish giraffes or rhinos would stroll by, but that won’t happen in Florida.

It’s important to remain optimistic; I do that as much as possible. Erika’s heart condition is not going to get better, but I try to keep her focused on the fact that many people are in worse shape than we are. We have to laugh at our shortcomings as we age. I genuinely believe that a sense of humor will help ensure longevity. Look at George Burns.

Do you worry about your future?  What’s in store for you? We don’t have kids to help us navigate the future. We are a gay couple in our early 70s, and I wonder what people like us do as they age. Your thoughts are appreciated.