‘Setting the soul free: The life-changing experience of a Balinese cremation ceremony’

We’ve been travelling to Bali, Indonesia for a number of years. Whenever we visit, we spend a few months at a time over there. We have made many friends and in August 2018 we happened to be in Bali when our friends Desi and Surya welcomed their daughter Dara into the world.

I first met Dara when she was two weeks old. I couldn’t believe how tiny she was, and I was amazed at her mop of black hair.

In Balinese culture, there is a ceremony for the baby 42 days after birth. It is a Balinese Hindu celebration of the birth and development of a new family member and is the most festive and most essential for the newborn and its parents. My husband and I had returned home to Australia before the ceremony, but were sent photographs of the occasion. The ceremony is one that serves as protection and it is the day Dara first touched the earth.

As Christmas approached, I realised we hadn’t heard from Desi for a few weeks, but thought it was just because she was a busy young mum. Then, in the New Year I noticed a post on Surya’s social media page. It was written in Indonesian, but I got the gist. I contacted our friend and regular driver Putu who confirmed that unfortunately Dara had died after a stint in hospital.

Just as the Balinese had a ceremony for birth, so too was there a ceremony for death. In Bali at the time of death, there is a funeral. Months or often years later, the Balinese cremation ceremony occurs. Dara had been buried in Surya’s village, but we were advised to wait for news on when her cremation would be.

The Balinese view of death is that it forms part of a continuous cycle — birth, life and death. It is the belief of the locals that a person who has just died will be reborn as somebody else, so newborn children are considered reincarnated souls. So that a dead person can be reincarnated, they must be released, which is where the Balinese cremation ceremony plays its part.

Dara’s cremation ceremony was to take place in July 2019. We knew we would be in Bali during that time, so waited for Desi and Surya to advise us of the date the Balian decided. We were staying in Ubud, so once the date and time were known we arranged for Putu to collect us and take us to the ceremony. The Ibu at our home stay checked we were dressed appropriately for the ceremony before we departed; it was mandatory for me to wear a sarong and sash.

Putu said it was acceptable to cry, but wailing was not. There was to be no loudness. While Desi and Surya would still be grieving, the ceremony was also one that would send Dara on her way to await her reincarnation.

The Ngaben ceremony is the ritual Balinese people follow when ushering a person into their next life. In Bali, it is a time of celebration though things do become solemn when the bodies are being turned to ashes.

When we arrived at the cremation grounds, we met with a friend from Australia, Desi and Surya. Desi went into the temple to be blessed while Surya showed us the Ngaben for the highest caste adults to be cremated in as well as simpler containers for lower castes.

When we went to where the children’s cremation was to take place I was overwhelmed to learn that 33 children from the local village were being cremated. To put that into context, that was 33 children who had died in the village in the past three years. It was hard not to be overcome with emotion knowing that.

After the bodies had been turned to ashes, a holy man and two women started moving through the families sprinkling water and motioning over our heads. I didn’t fully understand what was happening, but there was an enormous sense of peace and tranquillity. We were all crying. I later learned that the ritual was a blessing for Dara’s parents, Desi and Surya.

After the ceremony we returned to Desi and Surya’s home for lunch. I cannot express what an honour it was to be a part of such a spiritual and meaningful ceremony.

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