Overheard at the rest homes

We regularly visit my mother-in-law, Dorothy, at her assisted living facility in Estero, Florida. Some of the residents are still with it, but others? Who knows?

Erika’s mom had a stroke in 2013. She doesn’t have dementia but suffers from memory issues related to her condition.

Although it’s very hard to see her slipping away, we try to find humour whenever we visit. Dorothy doesn’t communicate much, but we find some of the other residents quite entertaining.

Here are a few things we’ve heard.

Woman with Friends in Lunchroom: Would you like to join us for lunch?
Cranky Old Woman: No, I don’t sit with people that I don’t know.
Woman with Friends: Well, how will you get to know people unless you talk to them?
(The cranky woman rolls away and sits by herself.)

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Me Addressing an Older Woman: What’s your name?
Old Woman: (Silence)
Me: Are you having a good day?
Old Woman: (Silence)
Me: Would you like some chocolate cake?
Old Woman: Oh yes!

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Lady at the Next Table: I’ll have the cheeseburger, but I don’t want a bun, I don’t want lettuce, pickles, or tomato either.

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Lady on the Patio: I shave everywhere.
Me: Are you a stripper?
Lady: (She just smiles.)

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Me: Dorothy, where are your dentures?
Dorothy: What?
Me: Your dentures.
Dorothy: What did you say?
Me: Well, then, where are your hearing aids?
Dorothy: Huh?

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Woman Down the Hall: You know, I have a boyfriend.
Erika: Oh? I thought you were married.
Woman: I am, but I hate him. He was never very nice to me.
Erika: Well, who’s your boyfriend?
Woman: That guy over there.
Erika: The one in the wheelchair?
Woman: Yes, isn’t he cute?
Erika: He is! Do you spend the night together?
Woman: Yes, in fact, he was in my bed last night.
Erika: The staff doesn’t mind?
Woman: No, they don’t mind, and neither do I!

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Erika: Mom, do you want me to shave your whiskers?
Dorothy: (Silence)
Erika: How about I comb your hair?
Dorothy: (Silence)
Erika: How about some ice cream?
Dorothy: Oh yes!

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Me: Dorothy, how old are you?
Dorothy: 80 something?
Me: No, you’re older.
Dorothy: 88?
Me: No.
Dorothy: 89?
Me: No.
Dorothy: How old am I?
Me: 95.
Dorothy: Gosh, that’s old!

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Me: Dorothy, where do you live right now?
Dorothy: Michigan?
Me: No, you’re in Florida.
Dorothy: Oh.
Me: Do you know what city you’re in?
Dorthy: Los Angeles?
Me: No, Estero.
Me: How old are you?
Dorothy: 80 something?

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Me: Dorothy, are you going jogging today?
Dorothy: I don’t think so.
Me: How about skiing?
Dorothy: I doubt it.
Me: Did you enjoy your lunch?
Dorothy: I don’t remember.

Ageing is different for all of us, and it’s so hard to see our loved ones going down that road. I don’t know the recipe for making people happy at this stage of their lives, but we try to stay in the moment with Dorothy.

If she’s unsure who we are, we go with the flow. Sometimes, she knows who I am. At other times, she looks at me with a blank stare. Thankfully, she still recognises Erika.

But I try to have fun with her. I performed in places like this with my music group in Los Angeles. Sometimes, the residents gave me a lot of feedback, but others sat there like potted plants that needed watering.

Do you have loved ones who are living in an assisted living facility? What has your experience been like?