‘Not all mother-in-laws are bad! A love letter to my late “Mum”‘

Until I met your son, David, and you and ‘Dad’, I had a very warped idea of what family really was. You showed me that love and caring go hand in hand in a real family, and that you are always there for one another – no matter who you are. You never judged this outsider, who stole your only son’s heart at first sight, even though we were married to other people.

You knew that David wasn’t happy – and neither was I – or we wouldn’t have fallen in love 20-odd years ago. We still are, and every day I thank my lucky stars that you raised such a loving, caring, thoughtful man in David. But all your children and grandchildren have those same wonderful qualities.

In January last year, you were placed in an aged care facility to give Dad a break from caring for you. You loved it so much that you didn’t want to leave! The structure and the close proximity to others made you come alive. Dad visited every day and shared a hot lunch with you.

After a trip in early March to Vietnam and Cambodia, where David and I managed to stay just in front of the virus, we landed at Singapore International Airport. It was virtually deserted, and even though we had a six-hour layover, we were not allowed to leave the airport and return. The flight home was uneventful, which is always good, and we sailed through Customs.

But three days after returning I had a temperature, sore throat and chills. I rang our local medical centre and we were told to go to the hospital to get checked for Covid-19. David and I were very worried about you, at 85, and Dad, at 89, catching it from us, however we were very lucky that – while we both had a virus – it wasn’t coronavirus.

David returned to work and I stayed at home getting our house ready to sell. We were moving to the country in South Australia for a new life with less stress. I knew this was the right thing to do and started packing up. We visited you often in the aged care home, as it was quite close by.

One day we were advised that the building was going into lockdown, so David and I hurried over to see you. Dad was there, and we stayed for about an hour, laughing and reminiscing. You walked us all to the front door, we kissed and hugged and promised to see you again soon. I remember you looking out the glass window smiling and waving to us all.

In May you were taken to hospital with a kidney infection. I couldn’t come in due to visiting restrictions, but David saw you and even though you thought he was Dad and it was 1972 and you were on a family holiday, you came alive talking about all the fun and adventures that everyone had on the holiday. The nurses let David stay quite late, holding your hand, and before he left you looked at him and called him “son”. The next day your temperature had gone down and your body was accepting the antibiotics, so you were allowed to go back to the aged care home. We thought, ‘great, you have come back to us’, but just three days later you were refusing to eat or drink.

I had to have a Covid-19 test again, as my breathing was laboured and I had a temperature. David had to have the test as well, due to close proximity to me. We were waiting for the results to come in so we could go be with you, but you couldn’t wait for us – it was your time. You took your last breath at 3.30pm and we were notified of your passing soon after.

Losing you was as hard as losing my son, Justin. How many times can you heal from a broken heart? I think about you every day and hope you are proud of us. I miss you dearly but I remember everything you taught me. Family is all that matters and I keep in touch with those who really care about David and me.

David has a good job and, so far, 2021 is going smoothly at our new home in the country.

Until we meet in the afterlife.

Your daughter,

Wennie