Narcissistic parenting can benefit kids, Gwyneth Paltrow’s site claims

Admitting you have narcissistic tendencies – whether they be putting yourself first, constant vanity, or a need to seek admiration – is something many may be reluctant to do.

But it becomes another issue entirely when those tendencies creep into your parenting style, with many arguing it could have a negative effect on the child, if they feel they’re second best.

Now, however, actress Gwyneth Paltrow’s lifestyle website Goop has fuelled an ongoing and fierce debate, as a psychologist for the site claimed narcissistic parenting could actually have benefits for the child.

The 45-year-old actress first sparked an angry response with an article last year on the site, titled ‘It’s Not Your Fault You’re a Narcissist’, and the latest addition is likely to get an even more controversial reaction from readers.

Narcissism occurs when someone has excessive interest in, or admiration of, themselves – often manifesting itself with obvious self-centredness, and a need for admiration.

Writing for Goop, New York psychiatrist Suzanne Garfinkle has argued that narcissistic parents can actually have some of the best traits, as long as they monitor and control their selfish traits.

“Narcissism is a disorder affecting one’s self and relationships, involving low or inflated self-image, self-centeredness, admiration-seeking, and difficulties with empathy,” she initially explained.

Read more: Find out if you or someone you know is a narcissist with just one question

“Narcissists tend to want to be great without putting in the work required, and they use others primarily for the purpose of making themselves feel better.”

While many parents aren’t necessarily narcissists, a lot of them will have traits – and she claims rather than completely suppressing them, they could prove worthwhile.

Among those traits, she says some include a fear of criticism from their kids, often boasting about their children, and social climbing so that “only the very best of everything both for and from your children” will do.

“Narcissists invest in themselves, and because they see their children as an extension of themselves, they can share that investment with them,” she wrote, while promoting the ‘benefits’ of these traits.

“Narcissists are great at getting what they want, and a twelve-year-old might be inspired by hearing her mother describe how she ‘killed it’ at work or learn important negotiating skills by watching Mom score the best table in the restaurant.”

Shockingly, she also claimed that a child feeling some sort of ‘rejection’ could actually benefit them long-term.

“It’s good to learn you can’t always have your parents’ attention (even if it’s because they are mapping out their next Botox injections in the mirror),” she added.

However, she insisted this is only true when those traits are fully controlled, and went on to say there are also “hazards” of narcissistic parenting.

“Their children often feel judged and criticised and can develop low self-esteem and depression,” she added. “Their parent’s tendency toward anger makes them feel love is conditional, and anxiety and trust issues often emerge.”

Read more: Here’s why being a narcissist is a good thing

The argument that there could be benefits is in direct contrast to many experts’ views that it will have a lasting, negative impact on kids.

Writing for Psychology Today previously, Marriage and Family Therapist Karyl McBride said narcissism is often misunderstood, and simply having some arrogant or vain tendencies doesn’t necessarily mean the same thing. However, she added: ” “Narcissism is a deeper, more destructive disorder that has devastating effects on the people in relationships with the individual.”

She added: “Being raised by a narcissistic parent is emotionally and psychologically abusive and causes debilitating, long-lasting effects to children.”

Would you say you have narcissistic tendencies as a parent? Do you agree it can have benefits, or is it harmful to put a child second to yourself?