There’s a common misconception that once you hit your 50s you lose the desire to be sexually intimate, that the love of being close to another simply flies out the window. In some ways this can be true, arousal often does diminish as you age and you may not want to be all over your loved one like you did in your 20s.
But that doesn’t mean older people don’t want to engage in any form of intimacy and sex is certainly not off the cards for many. Susan Jarvis, owner of website The Spicy Boudoir, is proof of this. She even advocates for the use of sex toys to help couples get between the sheets more often and rediscover their sexual side.
Susan said she noticed her own desire for intimacy has diminished since going through menopause, and she’s not alone. Many women experience this as they reach their late 40s, 50s and 60s.
“It’s not just about having an orgasm, it’s the whole journey. I know my body is changing, I’m in the early states of menopause and I don’t experience arousal like I used to 10 years ago,” she previously told Starts at 60. “But, we talk openly about everything. I told my partner I don’t feel that same urge, like that ‘grr, come here’, but let’s not stop because after foreplay I’m there! My foreplay will take longer, but hey it’s fun!”
Because of this Susan decided to set up her own website to help others embrace their sexuality and enjoy intimacy again. The aim is to strip away negative stereotypes and stigmas associated with the expression of sexuality, particularly when it comes to older couples or those struggling with illness or a disability. And these toys are now available for purchase on the Starts at 60 Marketplace.
To get you started on your sexual path with toys, the Melt by We-Vibe is the perfect option for couples. It’s the only Pleasure Air stimulator designed specifically for two people, with the curved design fitting perfectly between two bodies in any position. The toy has a range of massaging functions, so you can find what best works for you both to increase your sexual experience.
Then there’s the We-Vibe Chorus which is described as the “best hands-free couples vibrator”, which you can program to deliver the ideal level of vibration to suit your needs. You may also want to try the Hot Octopus for solo play or couples play. It’s said to take sex and foreplay to the next level and allow you to experience orgasms at your fingertips.
On the Starts at 60 Marketplace you’ll also find naughty games to play with your partner, massage oils and personal lubricants. If you’re feeling a little nervous about going down the path of sex toys, Susan said she made sure the range is appropriate for the age group and “completely unlike the stereotypes of the sex industry”.
“There’s a common belief that once you’re over 50 and hit menopause (or man-o-pause) that your sexuality becomes redundant,” she said. “Another common misconception is that people with a disability do not desire sex. That is entirely untrue.”
She added: “My mission has become to create a brand experience completely unlike the stereotypes of the sex industry. I do not want my customers to be hit in the face with neon colours, plastic genitalia or phallic devices as soon as they enter my store.”
You can browse The Spicy Boudoir products here.