A priest was heading to church when he saw there was a donkey lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.
Not knowing who else to call, he promptly called the local police station, who said: “Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?”
“Hi, this is Father O’Malley. There’s a donkey lying dead right in the middle of my front lawn.”
Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk: “Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!”
There was dead silence on the line for a long moment before Father O’Malley replied: “Ah, that is true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin.”
A man was talking to his friend.
The friend said: “Did you know that nine out of 10 women with brown eyes cheat on their husbands?”
“No, I didn’t know that,” the man replied.
“So what colour are your wife’s eyes?” asked the friend.
The man replied: “I can’t remember. Geez, I better go home and find out.”
So the man hurried home to find his wife in bed and asleep. The man carefully lifted his wife’s eyelid and exclaimed: “Oh my God! Brown!”
Suddenly, another man popped out from under the covers and said: “How did you know I was here?”
Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them.
The first man drops his backpack, digs out a pair of joggers and frantically begins to put them on. The second man says: “What are you doing? Joggers won’t help you outrun that bear.”
“I don’t need to outrun the bear,” the first man says. “I just need to outrun you.”