Tim decided to tie the knot with his long-time girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was organising his golfing equipment. His wife was standing nearby watching him.
After a long period of silence she finally speaks: “Tim, I’ve been thinking, now that we’re married maybe it’s time you quit golfing. You spend so much time on the course. You could probably get a good price for your clubs.”
Tim looks horrified. She says: “Darling, what’s wrong?”
“For a minute there you were beginning to sound like my ex-wife.”
“Ex-wife!” she screams. “I didn’t know you were married before!”
“I wasn’t,” he replied.
One evening, in a busy lounge in the deep south, a reindeer walks through the door, bellies up to the bar and orders a martini. Without batting an eye, the bartender mixes and pours the drink, sets it in front of the reindeer and accepts the twenty-dollar bill from the reindeer’s hoof.
As he hands the reindeer some coins in change, he says: “You know, I think you’re the first reindeer I’ve ever seen in here.”
The reindeer lookd hard at the hoof-full of change and says: “Hmmm. Let me tell you something, buddy. At these prices, I’m the last reindeer you’ll see in here.”
Two kids are talking to each other. One says: “I’m really worried. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me a nice home and good food. My mum spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I’m worried sick!”
The other kid says: “What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you’ve got it made!”
The first kid says: “What if they try to escape?”
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