Daily Joke: Tim tied the knot with his long-time girlfriend

Tim decided to tie the knot with his long-time girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was organising his golfing equipment. His wife was standing nearby watching him.

After a long period of silence she finally speaks: “Tim, I’ve been thinking, now that we’re married maybe it’s time you quit golfing. You spend so much time on the course. You could probably get a good price for your clubs.”

Tim looks horrified. She says: “Darling, what’s wrong?”

“For a minute there you were beginning to sound like my ex-wife.”

“Ex-wife!” she screams. “I didn’t know you were married before!”

“I wasn’t,” he replied.

A reindeer walks into a bar

One evening, in a busy lounge in the deep south, a reindeer walks through the door, bellies up to the bar and orders a martini. Without batting an eye, the bartender mixes and pours the drink, sets it in front of the reindeer and accepts the twenty-dollar bill from the reindeer’s hoof.

As he hands the reindeer some coins in change, he says: “You know, I think you’re the first reindeer I’ve ever seen in here.”

The reindeer lookd hard at the hoof-full of change and says: “Hmmm. Let me tell you something, buddy. At these prices, I’m the last reindeer you’ll see in here.”

Two kids are talking to each other

Two kids are talking to each other. One says: “I’m really worried. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me a nice home and good food. My mum spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I’m worried sick!”

The other kid says: “What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you’ve got it made!”

The first kid says: “What if they try to escape?”