When the Pope was visiting America, he told the driver of his limo that he had the sudden urge to drive. The driver was a good Catholic man and would not ever dream of questioning the Pope’s authority. So the Pope sat at the wheel, while his driver got in the back.
They were traveling down the road doing between 70 and 80km/h, when a policeman happened to see them. As he pulled them over, he called in to headquarters reporting a speeding limo, with a VIP inside it.
The chief asked: “Who is in the limo, the mayor?”
The policeman told him: “No, someone more important than the mayor”.
Then the chief asked: “Is it the governor?”
The policeman answered: “No, someone more important than the governor”.
The chief finally asked: “Is it the President?”
The policeman answered: “No, someone even more important than the President”.
This made the chief very angry and he bellowed: “Now who is more important than the President?!”
The policeman calmly whispered: “I’ll put it to you this way chief. I don’t know who is this guy, but he has the Pope as his chauffeur”.
After being with her all evening, the man couldn’t take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.
When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said: “I have some bad news. My grandfather just died”.
“Thank heavens,” his date replied. “If yours hadn’t, mine would have had to!”
A man walks into a pub and sees Vincent Van Gogh sitting in the corner.
“Fancy a pint Vincent?” he asks.
“No thanks,” Van Gogh replies. “I’ve got one ‘ere.”