A policeman stopped a woman for exceeding the speed limit. He asked the driver her name.
She said: “I’m Mrs. Ladislav Abdulkhashim Zybkcicraznovskaya and I am visiting my daughter in Tallahassee.”
The officer put away his summons book and pen, and said: “Well… Okay, but don’t let me catch you speeding again.”
An elderly lady went to see her doctor. After her check-up, the doctor said she was looking perfectly healthy and asked what she does to maintain her health.
“For better digestion, I drink beer. In case of loss of appetite, I drink white wine. In case of low blood pressure, I drink red wine. In case of high blood pressure, I drink scotch. When I have a cold, I drink Schnapps,” she said.
The doctor asked: “When do you drink water?’
“Oh, I’ve never been that sick!”
A teacher was asking her students math questions. She asked Little Johnny: “If you had a million dollars and gave away one quarter and another quarter and then another quarter, how much would you have left?”
Little Johnny replied: “A million dollars minus 75 cents.”
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