One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their pyjamas playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers thrown all about the front yard. The door to his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house. Once inside, he found an even bigger mess.
A lamp had been knocked over and a throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.
In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand lay piled up by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and other piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried that she might be ill, or worse!
He found her lounging into the bedroom, still in her pyjamas, reading a novel.
She smiled, looked up at him and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked: “What happened here today?”
She again smiled and answered: “You know everyday when you come home from work and ask me what in the world did I do today?”
“Yes”, he replied reluctantly.
She answered: “Well, today I didn’t do it!”
When her husband returns home at two in the morning, the wife confronts him.
“I told you two beers and home by ten o’clock!”
The man replies: “I’m sorry honey, I must have gotten the two numbers mixed up.”
Two small boys met during their first day at school. “My name is Billy. What’s yours?” asked the first boy.
“Tommy,” replied the second.
“My daddy is an accountant. What does your daddy do for a living?” asked Billy.
Tommy replied: “My daddy is a lawyer.”
“Honest?” asked Billy.
“No, just the normal kind,” replied Tommy.