Daily Joke: A lawyer’s dog is running around unleashed

A lawyer’s dog is running about unleashed. It beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast.

The butcher goes to the lawyer’s office and asks: “If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog’s owner?”

The lawyer answers: “Absolutely”.

“Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today.”

The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50.

In a few days, the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope from the lawyer. Inside is an invoice that reads: “$20 due for a consultation.”

A woman has sharp pains in her side

A woman has sharp pains in her side. The doctor examines her and says: “You have acute appendicitis”.

The blonde says: “That’s sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help”.

A cat dies and goes to heaven

A cat dies and goes to heaven. God meets him at the gate and says: “You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask”.

The cats says: “Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors”.

God says: “Say no more”. Instantly, a fluffy pillow appears.

A few days later, six mice die and go to heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that he made the cat. The mice said: “All our lives we’ve had to run. Cats, dogs and even women with brooms have chased us. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn’t have to run anymore”.

God says: “Say no more”. And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.

About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks: “How are you doing? Are you happy here?”

The cat yawns and stretches and says: “Oh, I’ve never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you’ve been sending over are the best!”