A doctor is doing his morning rounds with the ward nurse. They come to the first bed where a man is laying half dead.
“Did you give this man two tablets every eight hours?” asks the doctor.
“Oh, no,” replies the nurse. “I gave him eight tablets every two hours!”
At the next bed the next patient also appears half dead.
“Nurse, did you give this man one tablet every twelve hours?”
“Oops, I gave him twelve tablets every one hour,” replies the nurse.
Unfortunately at the next bed the patient is well and truly deceased, not an ounce of life.
“Nurse,” asks the doctor. “Did you prick his boil?”
“OH MY GOODNESS!” replies the nurse.
A man goes to the Olympics and walks past a man with a long pole tucked under his arm.
The man stops him and asks: “Excuse me sir, are you a pole vaulter, by any chance?”
The man replies: “No I’m German. But how did you know my name is Walter?”
A man runs to the doctor and says: “Doctor, you’ve got to help me. My wife thinks she’s a chicken!”
The doctor asks: “How long has she had this condition?”
“Two years,” says the man.
“Then why did it take you so long to come and see me?” the shrink asks.
The man shrugs his shoulders and replies: “We needed the eggs”.