A man was deep in prayer as he walked along the beach. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said: “Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish”.
“Build a bridge to the island across the water so I can drive over anytime I want” the man said.
“Your request is very materialistic,” the Lord replied. “Think of the enormous bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honour and glorify me”.
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said: “Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says ‘nothing’s wrong’, and how I can make a woman truly happy”.
The Lord replied: “You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?”
A soldier was stationed abroad and received a ‘Dear John’ letter from his girlfriend back home. It read: “Dear Dave, I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated twice since you’ve been gone, and it’s not fair to either of us. I’m sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent you. Love, Kim”.
The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins, etc. In addition to the picture of Kim, Dave included all the other pictures of pretty girls he had collected from his buddies.
There were 43 photos in the envelope along with a note that read: “Dear Kim, I’m so sorry but I can’t remember who you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me. Take care, Dave”.
A guy walks into a shoe store and asks for a pair of size 8 shoes. The salesman says: “But, sir, I can see from up here you’re at least a size 11”.
The guy says: “Just bring me a size 8 shoe”.
The salesman brings them, the guy stuffs his feet into them, ties them tight and then stands up, obviously in pain. The salesman just has to ask: “Sir, why must you have these undersized shoes?”
He says to the salesman: “I lost my business and my house, I live with my mother-in-law, my wife is having an affair with my best friend and my daughter is pregnant. The only pleasure I have in life is taking off these damn shoes”.