A woman meant to call a record store but dialled the wrong number and got a private home instead.
“Do you have ‘Eyes of Blue’ and ‘A Love Supreme’?” she asked.
“Well, no,” answered the puzzled homeowner. “But I have a wife and eleven children.”
“Is that a record?” she inquired.
“I don’t think so,” replied the man. “But it’s as close as I want to get.”
A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertiliser. A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called out: “What’ve you got in your truck?”
“Fertiliser,” the farmer replied.
“What are you going to do with it?” asked the little boy.
“Put it on strawberries,” answered the farmer.
“You ought to live here,” the little boy advised him. “We put sugar and cream on ours.”
One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: “Drinks for all on me including you, bartender.”
So the bartender follows the mans orders and says: “That will be $50 please.” The drunk says he has no money so the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.
The next night the same drunk comes in again and orders a drink for everyone in the bar including the bartender. Again the bartender follows instructions and again the drunk says he has no money. So the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.
On the third night he comes in, the drunk orders drinks for all except the bartender. “What, no drink for me?” replies the bartender.
“Oh, no,” says the man. “You get violent when you drink.”
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