A couple were sitting on their front deck when their neighbours walked by holding hands.
The wife sighed and said: “Look here, Mike. See how Mary’s husband takes her to movies and dinner every weekend? Why can’t you do that?”
Mike took a sip of his drink and answered: “Sure dear, anything you say. Just make sure that Mary is free on the weekend.”
A pregnant woman is in an accident. While in a coma, she has twins – a boy and a girl. When she wakes up she asks the doctor about her babies. The doctor says she they’re safe but her brother named them.
“My brother is an idiot!” she replies. “What did he name the girl?”
“Denise,” replies the doctor.
“That’s not so bad. What about the boy?” she asks.
A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. He was driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner said: “What’s taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!”
The guy answered: “My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot.”
“Forget it, man,” said his partner. “You don’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell of hitting her from here!”