Tom was at the hospital visiting with his best friend Larry who was dying.
Tom asked: “If there is baseball in heaven will you come back and tell me?”
Larry nodded yes just as he passed away.
That night while Tom was sleeping, he heard Larry’s voice in a dream.
“Larry! What is it?” Tom asked.
“I have good news and bad news from heaven,” Larry said.
“What’s the good news?” Tom asked.
“There is baseball in heaven after all, but the bad news is you’re pitching on Tuesday.”
The day before Anthony started at a new school, his dad had a meeting with the teacher.
“Anthony has a gambling problem. You’ll have to keep an eye on him during class.”
“I understand,” the teacher said. “I won’t let it get out of hand.”
The next day, Anthony walked into the classroom and introduced himself to the teacher.
“Good morning! I met your dad yesterday,” the teacher said, smiling.
“I bet you $10 you’ve got a mole on your bottom,” Anthony said.
The teacher smiled, seeing a way to break the gambling habit. She quickly showed Anthony that there was no mole, and he paid her the $10 without question.
That night, Anthony’s dad rang the teacher: “Johnny said he lost a bet with you.”
“Yes,” the teacher said. “I’m hoping that a few losses will cure the gambling problem.”
“Well, you’re wrong about that,” the father said. “He bet me $100 this morning that he would see your backside before the day was over.”
A woman was about to board the bus one day when she realised her pencil skirt was too tight to make the large step upwards.
Slightly embarrassed by her predicament, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt and gain a little more movement.
When it didn’t work, she unzipped her skirt a little more.
Still, it wouldn’t work. She unzipped the skirt all the way and tried to make the step.
Finally, the next person in line picked up the woman by the waist and placed her on the step of the bus.
“How dare you?” the woman said, turning to face the man. “You can’t just grab someone you’ve never met!”
The man smiled. “Well, ma’am, ordinarily I would agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we were friends.”