A policeman sends his wife and kid to a resort for a much-needed holiday. After a week he joins them in the hotel. As soon as he gets to the room, he wants to make love to his wife and gives her “the look”.
Whispering under her breath, the wife says: “No darling, we can’t do it here! Our kid is in the next room.”
The husband replies: “You’re right, let’s go to the beach.”
After a while they make their way to the beach and start to make love. All of a sudden, a policeman walks up to them. “Put your clothes on immediately, shame on you, you can’t do that in public!”
Embarrassed, the husband admits: “You are right, but I had a moment of weakness. We hadn’t seen each other for an entire week. Now, I’m a policeman too, and it would be very embarrassing if you fine me.”
The officer thinks for a second and says: “Don’t worry, you are a colleague and it is your first time. But this is the third time I caught this woman making love on this beach in the last week so she will have to pay.”
A new widow requested the epitaph ‘Rest in Peace’ for her husband’s tombstone. When she later found out that he had left his fortune to his mistress, she attempted to get the engraver to change the carving.
This was impossible, the words were chiseled and could not be changed.
“In that case,” she said. “Please add ‘Till We Meet Again’.”
On their honeymoon, the new husband told his bride: “I have a confession to make that I should have made before, but I was concerned that it might affect our relationship.”
“What is it?” his new bride asked lovingly.
“I’m a golf fanatic,” he said. “I think about golf constantly. I’ll be out on the golf course every weekend, every holiday, and every chance I get. If it comes to a choice between your wishes and golf, golf will always win.”
His new bride pondered this for a moment and said: “I thank you for your honesty. Now in the same spirit of honesty, I should tell you that I’ve concealed something about my own past that you should know about. The truth is, I’m a hooker.”
“No problem,” said her husband. “Just widen your stance a little, and overlap your grip, and that should clear it right up.”