Joe had asked Bob to help him out with the deck after work, so Bob just went straight over to Joe’s place. When they got to the door, Joe went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work. When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her.
Once they were working on the deck, Bob told Joe that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Joe said that he’d started this about six months ago, it had revived their marriage, and things couldn’t be better. Bob thought he’d give it a go. When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her. His wife burst into tears.
Bob was confused and asked why she was crying. She said: “This is the worst day of my life. First, little Billy fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement. And now, you come home drunk!”
The after-dinner speaker just didn’t have a stop button. He rambled on and on and on, oblivious to his increasingly restless audience. Finally one of the more drunken diners hurled an empty wine bottle at him. It missed, and hit the Chairman instead.
As the Chairman slid slowly to the floor clutching his head, he was heard to murmur: “Hit me again, I can still hear him.”
A husband and wife were sitting together having their morning coffee.
The husband asked: “Honey, you always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?”
“When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears,” the wife answered.
“You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?”
“Yes,” the wife said. “I see your picture and say to myself: ‘What other problem can there be greater than this one?'”