What happens when your strong partner becomes your patient

Sylvia was full of excitement and had beautiful plans for her and her partners retirement. But that all changed when he fell ill and was left permanently under care… This is her true and honest story, about what happened and how she has dealt with having to care for the man she always believed would be there to care for her.

Five years ago, I retired at sixty-five. My partner was still working, as he was only sixty-two, healthy, strong and planning to retire in three years. I was looking forward to our retirement together. We brought a brand new red Corolla hatchback for me to gad about in, which I did and thoroughly enjoyed my freedom…for a couple of months. I visited art galleries, theatres and people that I loved. I painted at that time and travelled with my daughters in my new car. I was very involved with my beautiful grandchildren and both of my daughter’s lives, these things that you only dream about when you work. My life was great. Then all hell broke loose.

My partner went to the doctors with some health issues one day and was sent for a range of tests.

The result… he was diagnosed with a heart problem – Atrial Fibrillation as well as Pneumonia and Emphysema.

After a few weeks in hospital, they got his heart back in rhythm, cleared up the pneumonia and worked out what medication and aids he would need for the emphysema.  But things didn’t get better.  In fact, this was the turning point.  Our life had changed forever.

He gradually worsened and was on a lot of medication and oxygen twenty hours a day.  He still is. He needed my help, every day and night.  This put a stop to a lot of my freedom.   So my gallivanting ceased.   Without his help the house and our life needed a lot of management.  Perhaps more than I ever thought.   So I realised that I had to change things in our life to make it work.

I became almost completely housebound as a carer, and rarely could leave home for more than a couple of hours to do shopping. I stopped going to the post office and bank as I had set up our banking online and paid all of our bills direct from our bank accounts.

I reorganised the gardens so they would not need his care and strength. I pulled out the plants, laid weed-mat and bought tons of river pebbles, which my grandson and brother kindly laid for me.  I bought statues and large planters for the flowers, to contain them. I planted three fruit trees. The garden was easier to control.

I knew I was no longer a spring chicken, so the changes suited me better.

Then came the house.  I ripped up the floor coverings and had a tiler lay beautiful easy to wash large tiles diagonally from the front door through the dining room, kitchen and halls. I had already had a new kitchen and bathrooms put in so they were fine.

Then I ran out of money because by now our income was a married pension only.

My partner could hardly breathe at all without oxygen and the nebuliser so I wanted to stay home and help him. I cooked all of the nutritious food I could think of and researched for more that is known to help lung patients.  I had become a full time carer for him.

My artistic days were over and I longed for an outlet for my creative energy.

I had completed everything I could do with money, suddenly I was forced to live on a very tight budget so anymore renovations or furnishing were off my ‘to do list.’  What to do next?  I needed something for me.

At sixty-eight I decided to write a book.   Its subject matter of ‘domestic violence’ was very close to my heart having seen others suffer in childhood and stepped up later in life as a worker at family crisis to help people.  During my own life I had fallen victim to ‘domestic violence’ for a short period, so I knew how a victim felt and what they needed to do, to move forward.  I made understanding the issues my passion, and slowly it grew into more than a hobby.

It took me two years to research, and write the now-published book,  ‘Move Forward’. The experience was rewarding.  The main exercise was to keep busy and still be available to my partner around the clock, which I did.

I have stopped writing for the moment as my partner has pneumonia again. The doctor thinks he may well need another stay at the hospital. But I’m used to looking after him at home or at the hospital now and our life is set up for it.

Have you had to care for your partner or someone else? Tell us your story in the comments below… 

Sylvia’s novel, Move Forward, is available from XLibris for $32.09 paper back or for $4.27 as an E-Book. For more information, click here.