Help! How can I overcome mental barriers and enhance my sexual experience with my new partner?

Q: Hi Polly, I am a 78-year-old male who has been looking after his wife for 6 and a half years but had to put her in aged care during that 6 years. I have had no sexual contact including masturbation, but have now found a wonderful woman four and a half years my junior. I found to my surprise, I am now having trouble having an erection. I spoke to my doctor because I wanted a script for Sialis but was refused as I am on blood pressure tablets. I ended up ordering Sialis from the net and find that if take 20 to 40mg a day I can get half to three-quarters of an erection. I have had my heart checked and had no heart problems. However, I have not been checked for vascular problems and believe I may have created my mental problem. What should I do to correct this particular problem because me and my new lady both want to be sexually active?

It sounds like a really tough 6 years for you so it is super exciting you have found a wonderful woman whom you are keen to bring out your erotic self and engage in some fabulous sexual experiences. 

I can absolutely understand your concerns and the anxiety you must be feeling about using anything to help your erection that may impact your health. Making a decision in regards to taking medications against your doctor’s advice would cause you stress which, as we know, can have the opposite effect and make having an erection difficult. 

The ideal outcome would be to find a solution that allows you to engage in a full, erotic and satisfying sexual relationship, with the approval from your doctor. I would suggest having an honest conversation with your doctor about how important it is to you to have an erection and engage in sex, and ask them about all the options available. They will be able to advise on other possible medications, penile injections, penis pumps and rings or penile implants. 

A great exercise you can do on your own that may help maintain an erection is pelvic floor exercises and something I try and do at least once a day. And remember, your penis is just one part of sex, take the time to explore your playful erotic self, the other areas of your body that sizzle when touched and the delight in turning your partner on in multiple ways. 

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IMPORTANT LEGAL INFO This article is of a general nature and FYI only, because it doesn’t take into account your personal health requirements or existing medical conditions. That means it’s not personalised health advice and shouldn’t be relied upon as if it is. Before making a health-related decision, you should work out if the info is appropriate for your situation and get professional medical advice.