Have you lived a good life? Take our definitive quiz

The glory of entering one’s senior years often prompts deep reflection about the kind of life that has been lived. Here are 25 simple questions to put an end to the pondering.

Have you ever:

* Given spare change to a homeless person?

Yes

No. They never give you a receipt, even if you ask nicely.

* Looked at a sunset all the way through until it got completely dark?

Yes

No. The tour bus had to return to the hotel so the driver wouldn’t incur any unpaid overtime.

* Eaten peanut butter straight out of the jar, found out there were people watching and instead of stopping and apologising for being such a grub, you just kept on going like you were having the time of your life?

Yes

No. And I’m sorry about that. Are you talking crunchy or smooth?

* Apologised to someone just to resolve something, even though you knew you were in the right?

Yes

No. That would mean admitting fault. Are you nuts or something?

* Attended a graduation ceremony and remembered back to when you graduated and while you can only vaguely recall what subjects you majored in you can vividly recount all the partying and messing around you did when you should have been listening to the lecture?

Yes

No. Higher education is about attaining wisdom and knowledge, not turning up to 10 am tutorials wondering what day it is.

* Lent money to somebody to help them out of a tight spot, then when they tried paying you back you refused to take the money saying you had no idea what they were talking about?

Yes

No. And I’d expect interest.

* Been about to engage in an extreme sports activity, such as bungee jumping or skydiving, only to pull out at the last moment thinking “What the heck am I doing?”

Yes

No. I love risking my life then endlessly boring people about what a death-cheating, gravity-defying thrillseeker I am.

* Done a tedious household chore without saying anything or expecting any thanks?

Yes

No way. I’m not doing the laundry unless there’s a parade afterwards.

* Done volunteer work for a charity?

Yes

No. Who has the time? Working for free is for the birds.

* Taken stationery from your place of employment for personal use?

Yes

No. That would be revenge for all the unpaid overtime.

* Been at a party and laughed so hard at a dirty joke that your drink shot out your nose?

Yes

No. Hang on – it did happen once but only because a martini olive got caught in my throat.

* Made a desperate pledge to a Higher Power that you’d be a better person in return for getting you out of a jam, and that when the help came through you honoured that promise to the Almighty?

Yes

No. If there’s nothing in writing the contract is invalid. Ask my lawyer.

* Indulged in creative accounting when doing your taxes?

Yes

No. The government is entitled to as much of my money as it wants.

* Been on a plane with a crying baby and as you sensed the tide of hatred rising throughout the cabin felt nothing but sympathy for the mother?

Yes

No. All parents with children should be seated in cargo.

* Taken your kid(s) down to the playground at the local park and while you’re sitting there watching them play with other kids as you sip on your takeaway coffee suddenly realise that there is no other place on Earth you would rather be than right here?

Yes

No. Too busy scrolling.

* Strenuously complained about the bad service in a restaurant, demanded to speak to the manager so you could make a big scene as you rip into the waitress, only to feel badly afterwards, apologise and give her a huge tip?

Yes

No. After making the scene would probably do a runner.

* Offered your seat to a pregnant woman, elderly person or disabled child?

Yes

No. If they want equality they can stand while I watch cat videos.

* Instantly lost respect for any politician who claims how a multi-billion dollar budget blow out was due to circumstances nobody could foresee when all the contracts were signed?

Yes

No. It happens in business all the time when you’re spending other people’s money.

* Taken a bite into a cold takeaway cheeseburger that’s been sitting in the back of your fridge for two days and admit it actually tastes better than any over-priced haute cuisine meal you’ve ever had?

Yes

No. What’s haute cuisine?

* Wondered about the vastness of the cosmos while looking up at the night sky and felt overcome by a feeling of awe that was strangely comforting?

Yes

No. Too much light pollution.

* Been caught in a heavy downpour without an umbrella, hat or access to shelter, stood still as the rain pelted down and realised “Now I know what Gene Kelly meant”?

Yes

No. Who is Gene Kelly?

* Been at the zoo when a bunch of teenagers antagonised an ape who then bulls-eyed them with a clump of fecal matter and thought “I’m so glad I lived to see this”?

Yes

No. But I shall now live the rest of my days hoping to witness such a moment. Is it online?

* Been at a big family gathering and noticed how your kids have had so many kids, and that their kids are now having kids that you struggle to remember all their names and birthdays?

Yes

No. Everybody must be registered at the front door by security and issued name-tags with all relevant details clearly visible before they are permitted entry.

* Taken the family to the country for an old-fashioned cookout but while you’re broiling the sausages on the portable grill a strong wind comes and blows all the paper plates and lemonade of the wooden bench and it starts raining and you don’t have time to pack anything up and your favourite hat gets blown of and flies into the sky and everyone gets soaked as you all run back to the car and you want to apologise for how the pleasant day you had planned was ruined but everyone is too busy laughing their heads of and the youngest one says “best BBQ ever!”?

Yes

No. And that’d be the last BBQ they ever go to. Ungrateful brats.

* Refused to see a stage musical based on an old movie?

Yes

No. Who wouldn’t want to spend $110 per seat to see such a show, only to complain later that it wasn’t as good as the film?

How Did You Score?

If you answered YES to all these questions CONGRATULATIONS. You have lived a good life.

If you answered NO to all these questions WOE IS YOU. You have lead a not-so-good life.

If you answered a mix of YES and NO to all these questions YOU STILL HAVE TIME. Work on it.