‘It’s the end of a generation and we’re the next to go’

A text message arrived on my phone recently. A dear friend’s mum had died at the grand old age of 100. I called immediately, knowing that, while there would be relief in many ways, nothing actually prepares you for the death of a parent, even when it is expected.

Through a three way phone conversation, we said the words; we remembered and reflected, we sent each other love, we touched on the practicalities. We discussed our children (all grown and leading their own lives) and finally I said, “It’s the end of a generation”.

A pause for thought, then my friend’s response: “Yes, we’re the next to go”.

This year I will turn 69; many of my friends have already turned 70 or are older. I am blessedly healthy and reasonably fit; I exercise regularly, eat well, generally take care of myself. I have, I think, a positive outlook on life. There is no reason, other than the ever present possibility of getting knocked over by that random bus or similar, to suspect that my death is imminent and yet, as the recent New Year came and went, and I sat with the dog watching the fireworks from around the world, hanging on my daughters’ texts as they celebrated, one on holiday in Fiji, the other far away in Estonia, the thought occurred… How many more of these will I see? Let’s be realistic: another 10 (so few?) and I would be doing well; another 15, exceptional; another 20, possible but highly unlikely!

With the idea of old age, so many thoughts crowd in: independence (loss of, being a burden), quality of life (loss of), memory (loss of), health (loss of)… It’s very easy at this point to state coldly and categorically that we do not want to live to an advanced age that encompasses these things, but how can we possibly know what the reality will be like? If by the time I reach the point of considering euthanasia it has become a real possibility, would I be able to make the choice and let go? I would like to say yes, but I can only say that time will tell.

In the meantime, with my impending retirement and associated pleasures and possibilities, I am determined: I will stay active in both mind and body, I will stay connected and compassionate, not just to others but also to myself, I will remain useful and hope to bring some joy into the lives of others, I will continue to live the best life I am able to live no matter what my future holds. I will remember that, “Yes, we’re the next to go”.

Have you given consideration to getting older in this way? What thoughts have crossed your mind as you’ve got older?

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