ARE YOU A SENIOR DAG? Take our handy quiz to find out just how big a dag you are

As we power on through our senior years and begin to reflect on the accomplishments and trials of our lives, we inevitably turn to the key question that will ultimately define our legacy – Am I a Dag?

The issue, of course, is not so much whether you are a dag but just how big a dag you are.

To assist you in this noble quest, here is a quick, friendly quiz scientifically designed to determine the definitive answer to this pressing issue.

The quiz consists of 25 YES/NO questions. Some of them are confronting. Take as long as you need to complete it.

Every YES is worth four points. (See table below for your dag rating.)

Do you:

• Dip your biscuits?
• Wear socks with slippers?
• Read joke books in the toilet?
• Sing in the shower?
• Complain every quarter to everyone you know about council rates?

Did you:

• Visit the site of your old primary school in the last six months only to discover it was now a housing development, then sigh “what a shame”?
• Recently take a ride in an Uber and complain about how reverse cameras have taken the thrill out of parking?
• Turn down a dinner party invitation so you could spend the entire evening watching construction fail videos?
• Ever consider how easy it would be to make thousands by selling all the junk in the spare room online?
• Ever attempt to get that crumbling eyesore of a shed in your backyard heritage listed in the hope it would increase your property value?

Are you:

• Constantly telling young people their taste in music sucks?
• Constantly telling young people they can’t read anything printed on paper?
• Constantly telling young people the popularity of reality TV is their fault and proves how human evolution is now in reverse?
• Constantly telling young people how the greatest comedians in history never swore or told a dirty joke?
• Constantly telling young people that vinyl is still king?

Can you:

• Appreciate that any supermarket item marked down by 50% is a bargain too good to pass up?
• Remember the high school maths teacher you had a huge crush on?
• Look in the mirror and honestly say you look as good as you possibly could at this age?
• Openly confess that the main reason you buy cool toys for kids is so you can play with them?
• Admit you still burst out in uncontrollable fits of laughter at the Chattering Teeth?

Would you:

• Ever consider trading your ride-on lawnmower for a box set of Elvis Presley movies?
• Fake being horrified by a prank just to see if the video would go viral?
• Accept an invitation to the wedding of somebody you don’t much care for so you can go to town on the free food and open bar?
• Drink a can of carbonated soft drink really fast just to see if the foam came out your nose?
• Lie to a flight attendant about wanting a free colouring book for a child only to surreptitiously colour it in while sitting on the board of directors at the annual general meeting of the multi-billion dollar corporation you work for?

HOW DID YOU RATE?

0-20: You are a Minimal Dag – You stand little to no risk of ever being seen wearing moccasins while shopping.

21-40: You are a Moderate Dag – Occasionally you will try teaching your dog to bark in time to a song.

41-60: You are a Medium Dag – Your favourite indoor game is still Monopoly.

61-80: You are a Serious Dag – You own every episode of Star Trek on VHS.

81-100: You are a Complete Dag – Congratulations. You can wear a lampshade for laughs and think you are the king of comedy. Everyone around you might think you’re a fool but you don’t care. Nothing can touch you now.