‘Is this normal?’: Mother conflicted over son’s decision to take his fiancée’s surname

In an age where traditions are constantly evolving, one mother finds herself grappling with an unexpected twist in her son’s wedding plans.

The soon-to-be groom has decided to take his fiancée’s surname after their marriage, a move that has left his family questioning the norm and wondering, “Is this normal?”

Expressing her concerns, the mother shared her dilemma to the online forum Gransnet, seeking guidance and understanding.

“Our son getting married next year, has decided to take his fiancés surname when married,” she wrote.

“She’s an only child and wants to keep her surname going for future generations. We feel very hurt and upset by this. Is this normal?”

In a chorus of agreement, the Gransnet community shared a consensus that the son’s choice to adopt his wife’s surname was not only acceptable but also commendable.

“I think it’s a lovely idea,” commented one user. “Our daughter reverted to her maiden name after her divorce, as there are no sons to carry my husband’s family name now. Why ever would you be hurt and upset? I hate to say it’s nothing to do with you, but it really isn’t.”

Another user expressed support for the son’s decision, questioning traditional gender norms. “I’ve always wondered why the girl needs to remove her history for the sake of the male species. Good for him that he’s happy to do it. Please accept their choices with good grace. If you had a daughter, you would have lost the family name anyway.”

Others highlighted the thoughtfulness and significance of the son’s gesture. “I think it’s thoughtful of your daughter-in-law to want to maintain her family name and caring of your son to be willing to change his. I wouldn’t be upset if my sons had chosen to do this as it’s their marriage, their choices.”

The discussion revealed that such decisions are not uncommon in today’s society. “Quite common these days, as is them both keeping their own names. I wish I’d kept mine but it wasn’t something many people thought about. I wouldn’t be at all upset or hurt.”

One user summed up the sentiment by saying, “What a very lovely thing for him to do. You should be proud.”

With changing norms and evolving perspectives on marriage, this story prompts reflection on the significance of surnames and challenges the conventional expectations associated with them.

In the end, it seems that the love and thoughtfulness behind the decision may well outweigh any concerns about tradition.