A father passing by his son’s bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything had been picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed: “Dad.” He opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.
“Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you,” the letter read.
“I’ve been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.
“But it’s not only the passion, Dad. She’s pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
“Don’t worry, Dad. I’m 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren. Love, your son, Joshua.
“P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Jason’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that’s on the kitchen table. Call when it is safe for me to come home!”
A man is on a golf course and stands over his tee shot for what seems like an eternity. He looks up, looks down, measures the distance and figures out the wind direction and speed.
Fed up, his cranky golf partner finally says, “Oi! What’s taking so long? Hit the bloody ball!”
Pausing for a moment, the man looks up and gives his partner an explanation. “My wife is up there and watching me from the clubhouse,” he says. “I want to make this a perfect shot.”
The partner rolls his eyes and sighs.
“That’s not going to happen,” he says. “You’ll never hit your wife from here.”
A husband and wife check into a cheap hotel. The husband heads to the bar, but his exhausted wife goes up to the room to lie down.
Suddenly, an elevated train passes by very close to the window, shakes the room and throws her out of bed. She lies back down, but the same thing happens again minutes later.
Frustrated, she calls the front desk and the hotel manager comes up to investigate. The wife says: “Lie here on the bed, you’ll be thrown right to the floor.”
The manager lies down next to the wife just as her husband walks in. “What’s going on here?” demands the husband.
The manager replies: “Would you believe I’m waiting for a train?”
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