Two salesmen were going door to door, when they knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces.
To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result – the door bounced back open.
Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said: “Ma’am, before you do that again, you might need to move your cat.”
Two dog owners are arguing about whose pet is smarter. “My dog is so smart,” says the first owner. “That every morning he goes to the store and buys me a sesame seed bagel with chive cream cheese, stops off at the local cafe and picks me up a mocha latte and then comes home and turns on the cricket, all before I get out of bed.”
“I know,” says the second owner.
“How do you know?” the first demands.
“My dog told me.”
This man buys a pet parrot but after a few days of owning it, he notices that it seems to have a bad attitude and foul vocabulary. He tries everything to change the bird’s attitude and clean up its talk but nothing works.
Finally, in a moment of desperation, he puts the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he hears the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, all is quiet. He opens the freezer door.
The parrot steps out and says: “I’m sorry that I offended you with my language and actions. I ask for your forgiveness.”
The man is astounded at the bird’s change in attitude and was about to ask what changed him when the parrot continued: “By the way, may I ask – what did the chicken do?”