One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter brought out their steaks, Bill quickly picked the bigger one for himself.
Tom wasn’t happy about that, asking: “When are you going to learn to be polite?”
“If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?” Bill said.
“The smaller piece, of course,” Tom replied,
“What are you complaining about then?” Bill asked. “The smaller piece is what you got, right?”
A couple decides to celebrate after reaching 40 years of marriage.
“Just think,” the husband says. “We were sitting here at this same breakfast table, naked as jaybirds, 40 years ago.”
Blushing, the wife comes up with a cheeky plan to surprise her husband.
“What do you say? Should we get naked again?”
The pair immediately strip off and sit back down at the kitchen table.
“You know what honey,” the wife says. “My breasts burn for you as much now as they did when we were first married.”
“That doesn’t surprise me,” the husband replies. “One is in your cup of tea and the other is sitting in your porridge.”
A nurse went to discharge her patient. When she walked in the room she saw the man sitting on the edge of the bed, already dressed and with a suitcase at his feet.
The nurse brought in a wheelchair and placed it in front of the man. He looked at the chair in confusion.
“I don’t need that I can walk just fine,” he told her.
“I understand,” the nurse replied. “Although, it’s hospital regulation that everyone has to leave in a wheelchair.”
The man sat down in the chair and allowed the nurse to wheel him out the front. On their way down the nurse asked the man if his wife was coming to pick him up.
“No,” he told the nurse. “She’s upstairs changing out of her hospital gown!”