Two drunk friends are walking along when one says to the other: “What a beautiful night. Look at that moon!”
The other drunk stops and looks at his friend. “You are wrong. That’s not the moon, that’s the sun!”
Both continued arguing for a while when they came upon another drunk walking along. So they stopped him and said: “Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that’s shining. Is it the moon or the sun?”
The third drunk look at the sky and then looked at them and said: “Sorry, I don’t live around here.”
A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says: “Hey, we have a drink named after you!”
The grasshopper looks surprised and says: “You have a drink named Steve?”
Shakey went to a psychiatrist. “Doc,” he said. “I’ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there’s somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there’s somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. You gotta help me, I’m going crazy!”
“Just put yourself in my hands for two years,” said the shrink. “Come to me three times a week, and I’ll cure your fears.”
“How much do you charge?”
“A hundred dollars per visit.”
“I’ll sleep on it,” said Shakey.
Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street. “Why didn’t you ever come to see me again?” asked the psychiatrist.
“For a hundred buck’s a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars.”
“Is that so! How?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed!”
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