Three ladies are sitting on the beach talking about their sons.
“My Freddie,” says Margaret. “Anyone should be so lucky to have a son like my Freddie. Once a week he brings me a huge bouquet of flowers, he’s constantly bringing me out to restaurants to eat, if I so much as hint that I want something the next morning it’s on my doorstep.”
“That’s very nice about your Freddie,” says Gertrude. “But with all due respect, when I think about the way my Sammy takes care of me, it just can’t compare. Every morning as soon as I wake up he greets me with bacon and freshly brewed coffee. Every lunch he comes over and cooks me a gourmet lunch, and every supper he brings me to his house and treats me like a queen.”
“Well!” says Barbara. “I don’t want to make any of you feel bad or anything, but wait until you hear about my Harry. Twice a week he pays someone $200 an hour just so he can lie on their couch and talk to them, and who do you think he speaks about at those prices?” asks Barbara with a big excited double chin smile. “I’ll tell you who he speaks about! ME!”
Lauren was frustrated. She had complained dozens of times to her daughter about her newest gag of kissing the bathroom mirror immediately after applying lipstick, but it was all to no avail. Finally, one day after spending a half hour scrubbing the mirror only to find another kiss mark an hour later, Lauren had enough.
“Lizzy!” she hollered.
“What?” came her daughter’s reply through her bedroom door.
“I can’t find the toilet brush that I’ve been using to clean the bathroom mirror. Do you have any idea where it is?”
After hearing the gagging from behind the bedroom door, Lauren knew her days of cleaning kiss marks off of mirrors were over.
“Oh no! not leftovers again!” complained the eldest daughter when she saw the leftover meatloaf on the table from last night’s supper.
“Young lady” responded her father sternly. “Do you know how many people would love to have a delicious supper like this?! You should be ashamed of yourself! Now before we start eating I want to hear you say grace thanking the Lord for this delicious meal!”
“Thank you Lord for this delicious supper,” muttered the daughter submissively. “Again!”