Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say: “Martha, I’d like to ride in that there airplane.” And every year Martha would say: “I know, Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars.”
One year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said: “Martha, I’m 71 years old. If I don’t ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance.”
Martha replied: “Stumpy, that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars.”
The pilot overheard them and said: “Folks, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won’t charge you, but if you say one word it’s ten dollars.”
Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word.
They landed and the pilot turned to Stumpy: “By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn’t.”
Stumpy replied: “Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars.”
A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbour to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description.
She said: “He’s 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 100 kilograms, is soft-spoken and is good to the children.”
The next-door neighbour protested: “Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth and is mean to your children.”
The wife replied: “Yes, but who wants HIM back?”
It was the day of the big sale. Rumours of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30am, the store’s opening time, in front of the store.
A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colourful curses. On the man’s second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line.
“That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won’t open the store!”