Daily Joke: A man came home to find his wife with her bags packed

A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed. He asked her where she was going and she replied: “I’m going to Las Vegas”.

He questioned her as to why she was going and she told him: “I just found out that I can make $400 a night doing what I give you for free”.

He pondered that then went into the house and packed his bags and returned to the porch and with his wife. She said: “And just where do you think you’re going?”

“I’m going too!” he replied.

“Why?” She asked.

“I want to see how you are going to live on $800 a year!”

Some tourists asked a security guard a question

Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marvelling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard: “Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?”

The guard replies: “They are 3 million, four years and six months old”.

“That’s an awfully exact number,” replies the tourist. “How do you know their age so precisely?”

The guard answers: “Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago.”

A passenger tapped his driver on the shoulder

The passenger tapped the cab driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the sidewalk and stopped centimetres from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said: “Look mister, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!”

The passenger apologised and said he didn’t realise that a little tap could scare him so much.

The driver replied: “You’re right. I’m sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I’ve been driving a hearse for the last 25 years”.