A man goes to Confession to talk to his priest. “Father, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.”
The priest asks: “What’s wrong?”
The man replies: “My wife is poisoning me.”
The priest, very surprised by this, asks: “How can that be?”
The man then pleads: “I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s poisoning me. What should I do?”
“Tell you what,” the priest offers. “Give me her name and let me talk to her. I’ll see what I can find out and I’ll let you know.”
A week later the priest calls the man and says: “I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?”
The man says yes, and the priest replies: “Take the poison!”
The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was.
Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children: “Go up there and take a look in the coffin and make sure that’s your pa in there.”
“When we get married, I want to share all your worries and troubles and lighten your burden,” a young woman said to her boyfriend.
“That’s very kind of you, darling,” her boyfriend replied. “But I don’t have any worries or troubles.”
“Well, that’s because we aren’t married yet.”