Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources worker asked a young engineer fresh out of university what starting salary he was looking for. The engineer said: “In the neighbourhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package”.
T”Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks holiday, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, a company matching retirement fund for 50 per cent of your salary, and a company car leased every two years… say, a red Corvette?” the interviewer replied.
The engineer sat up straight and said: “Wow! Are you kidding?”
And the interviewer replied: “Yeah, but you started it”.
A farmer gets sent to jail, and his wife is trying to hold the farm together until her husband can get out. She’s not, however, very good at farm work, so she writes a letter to him in jail: “Dear sweetheart, I want to plant the potatoes. When is the best time to do it?”
The farmer writes back: “Honey, don’t go near that field. That’s where all my guns are buried”.
But, because he is in jail all of the farmer’s mail is censored. So when the sheriff and his deputies read this, they all run out to the farm and dig up the entire potato field looking for guns. After two full days of digging, they don’t find one single weapon.
The farmer then writes to his wife: “Honey, now is when you should plant the potatoes”.
A guy rushes into a bar, orders four expensive 30-year-old single malts and has the bartender line them up in front of him. Then without pausing, he quickly downs each one. “Whew,” the bartender remarked. “You seem to be in a hurry.”
“You would be too if you had what I have.”
“What do you have?” the bartender sympathetically asked.
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