An elderly married couple scheduled their annual medical examination for the same day so they could travel together.
After the examination, the doctor then said to the man: “You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?”
“In fact, I do,” said the man. “After I have sex with my wife the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty. And then, after I have sex with my wife the second time, I am usually cold and chilly.”
“This is very interesting,” replied the doctor. “Let me do some research and get back to you.” After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said: “Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?”
The lady replied that she had no questions nor concerns. The doctor then asked: “Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex the first time with you and cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?”
“Oh that old buzzard!” she replied. “That’s because the first time is usually in July and the second time is usually in December.”
A helicopter carrying passengers suddenly loses engine power and the aircraft begins to descend. The pilot safely performs an emergency landing in water, and tells the passengers to remain seated and to keep the doors closed, stating that in emergency situations, the aircraft is designed to stay afloat for 30 minutes, giving rescuers time to get to them. Just then a man gets out of his seat and runs over to open the door.
The pilots screams at him: “Didn’t you hear what I said, the aircraft is designed to stay afloat as long as the doors remain closed?!”
“Of course I heard you,” the man replied. “But it’s also designed to fly, and look how good that one worked out!”
Two elderly gents met up on the way to the funeral of one of their longtime buddies. The deceased was thought to have accumulated much wealth. On the way to the cemetery, one old fellow asked the other: “How much did he leave?”
The other old fellow replied: “All of it.”
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