Daily Joke: A woman reads the newspaper horoscopes to her office

Every morning, one of the secretaries in an office would open the newspaper and read everyone’s horoscope aloud.

“Gwen,” said the boss finally. “You seem to be a normal, level headed person. Do you really believe in astrology?”

“Of course not. You know how skeptical we Capricorns are.”

A farmer headed to the neighbouring farm to confront the family

A farmer got in his car and drove several kilometres to a neighbouring farm and knocked on the farmhouse door. A young boy, about 12, opened the door. “Is your pa home?” the man asked.

“No sir, he isn’t,” the boy replied. “He went into town.”

“Well,” said the farmer. “Is your ma home?”

“No, she isn’t here either. She went to town with Pa.”

“Well, then, how about your brother, Joe. Is he here?”

“No sir, he went with Pa and Ma.”

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.

“Is there anything I can do for ya?” inquired the young boy politely. “I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one. Or maybe I could take a message for pa.”

“Well,” said the farmer uncomfortably. “I really wanted to talk to your pa. It’s about your brother Joe getting my daughter pregnant.”

The boy considered for a moment. “You would have to talk to Pa about that,” he finally conceded. “I know that Pa charges $500 for the bull and $250 for the boar hog, but I really don’t know how much he gets for Joe.”

A man went to buy his daughter a present

One day a man was driving home when he suddenly realised that it was his daughter’s birthday and he hadn’t bought her anything. He quickly pulled his car through three lanes of traffic, to find a parking spot at the nearest shopping centre.

After a frantic search he finds a toy store, goes inside and attracts the attention of the shop assistant. When asked what he’d like, he simply says: “A Barbie Doll”.

The shop assistant looks at him in a condescending manner and asks: “Sir, which Barbie would that be?”

The man looks surprised so the assistant continues: “We have Barbie Goes To the Ball at $19.99, Barbie Goes Shopping at $19.99, Barbie Goes Clubbing at $19.99, Barbie Goes To The Gym at $19.99, Cyber Barbie at $19.99 and Divorced Barbie at $249.99.”

The man can’t help himself and asks: “Why is Divorced Barbie $249.99 when all those other Barbies are selling for $19.99?”

“Well sir, that’s quite obvious!” says the assistant. “Divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s car, Ken’s furniture…”