A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the papers and went back to his desk to wait.
Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 note to the paper with a written message saying: “A dollar per point.”
The next class the professor handed the tests back out. The student got his test back along with $64 change.
A nursing home’s regulations made it mandatory to have a wheel chair for patients being discharged. Alice, the trainee nurse, found an old man already dressed and seated on the bed with a suitcase at his feet. She offered help but the old man insisted he could make it on his own and didn’t need help to leave the hospital.
Alice reminded him that she had to follow rules, so he reluctantly let the nurse wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down, Alice asked him if his wife was coming to meet him.
“I don’t know,” said the old man. “Guess she is still up in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.”
A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sits alone at a nearby table.
The wife asks: “Do you know her?”
“Yes,” sighs the husband, “she’s my ex-girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up seven years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.”
“My God!” says the wife. “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?”
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