Daily Joke: A mob were running away from the local zoo

A screaming, yelling mob were tearing up the main street of the city as they ran away from the local zoo. A policeman stopped one runner and asked: “What’s happening?”

“A lion has escaped,” he gasped.

“Which way did it go?” enquired the officer.

“Well, we’re not bloody chasing it!”

A man is stranded on a desert island

A man is stranded on a desert island. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and says: “How long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?”

“Ten years,” he says.

She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.

He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says: “Man, oh man! Is that good!”

Then she asks: “How long has it been since you’ve had a drink of whiskey?”

He replies: “Ten years!”

She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him.

He takes a long swig and says: “Wow, that’s fantastic!”

Then, with a mischievous and flirty smile, she says to him: “And how long has it been since you’ve had some real fun?”

The man replies: “Wow! Don’t tell me that you’ve got golf clubs in there!”

Mary was having a tough day

Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self-pitying. She moaned to her mum and brother: “Nobody loves me. The whole world hates me!”

Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word: “That’s not true, Mary. Some people don’t even know you.”